Nigerian cleric, Pastor Seyi Obembe, has advised Christian women to understand their prospective husbands’ expectations regarding respect and honour before marriage, saying those unwilling to meet such expectations should reconsider the relationship.
Obembe gave the advice during a church service in September, where he recounted how a man called off his plans to marry his fiancée after she reluctantly knelt to apologise to him during a relationship dispute.
According to the video obtained by the Religion Journalism Foundation, the pastor had intervened in the couple’s disagreement and persuaded the woman to kneel before her fiancé as part of the reconciliation process. However, the man later expressed reservations about marrying her, reportedly arguing that he could not proceed with the union after discovering that his fiancée had to be persuaded by her pastor to kneel before him.
The incident, Obembe said, highlighted the importance of understanding how partners perceive and express honour in a relationship before committing to marriage. The cleric explained that although honour is a biblical principle, cultural differences influence how people demonstrate respect, adding that partners must understand each other’s expectations.
He illustrated this with the example of a woman who believes she respects her husband but fails to express it in a manner he recognises. “I honour my husband, but you are not honouring him in a language he understands. In your mind, you are honouring him, but you are not speaking the language of honour to him,” he said.
Obembe, however, cautioned Christian men against insisting that their wives must kneel before them as the only acceptable demonstration of respect.
He maintained that women could honour their husbands in different ways, stressing that kneeling should not be the sole measure of respect within a marriage. “She can express honour to you without necessarily kneeling down for you,” he said.
The pastor, nevertheless, urged women who intend to marry men who genuinely value kneeling as an expression of honour to consider making it a consistent practice, provided they are comfortable with the expectation. “But sisters, if you marry a man who genuinely feels honoured when you kneel down, please make it a practice,” he added.
He further warned women against adopting gestures of respect during courtship or engagement ceremonies merely to satisfy their partners when they have no intention of maintaining such practices after marriage. “Don’t kneel down for him on your engagement day if you don’t plan to continue. It’s eye service,” Obembe said.
His remarks highlight the importance of discussing cultural expectations, personal values and expressions of respect before marriage, particularly where partners have different understandings of traditional marital roles.